yeah its been a REALLY long time since i wrote in this thing so i decided 2 give it a go..ha

hmmm way 2 much has happened in the past like month and a half.. its all good tho and its teaching me a lot.. ive been trying 2 see the best in every sitiuation im in and sometimes its hard but its what u gotta do. u dont wanna go through life always being negative and looking @ the what if's the whole time.. that sucks. thats pretty much the kinda person i used to be, im still working on it n everything but all last year and the year b4 i was the biggest drama queen and i would always look like 2 years in advance and worry about what was gonna happen. so i guess God's really just shown me that if u let it go and let him take control, everything works out fine. i just always try and control things myself and when i do it all falls apart. i dunno i guess its just hard sometimes 2 give up every single thing in ur life 2 God. butttt it has 2 be done! ha

but ne ways i cant wait til august cuzzz im pretty sure im goin 2 the beach w/ jac n chell! so that'l be awesome.. umm my bdays in like 4 days! woot the big 1-6 ha too bad i dont get my license til september 18th. hmm.. misty goes outta town that day too w/ amanda.. michelle's in fla.. so is andrea.. catie katie and julie leave 2morrow & theyre comin back on the 17th.. natalie campos is in bama.. gets back 2morrow but then leaves 4 pc in like a week or something.. so yeah. lol just in case u all were wondering my friends schedules.

well ne ways. its 12:25 in the am

and im leaving 4 white water at 10:00 in the am

so im gonna go stuff my face w/ whatever we have in the kitchen & then go 2 sleep!

<3 cathie

yeah sooo its fathers day and i just got back from shopping.. went shopping all day yesterday too it was pretty pimp

so ne ways i dont really have that much 2 say except that im definetley going 2 destin on thursday! soo excited i cant wait!

yeah uhh_thats about it.. not really in the thinking or advice giving mood right now lol

well heyy kids its been a while

yeah so for the past like 349875 days it seems like ive been going nonstop its been pretty krazy.. this has been like the best week of my life.. u know whats funny though? ha is that it COULD very well be the worst week of my life if i let it be... but its not!!! so yup even though ive been with a lotta different people this week and ive been doing a lotta stuff ive taken a lotta time 2 just kinda step back & think about how much i dont need some of the things that ive been hanging on to.. and how those few things are creating ALL of the drama that WAS in my life.. thats now OUT of my life bc im leaving it comlpetley behind and forgiving & forgetting. life is serioulsy too short to go through it always worried and always thinking about either ur past or ur future. whats wrong with right now? if u waste every single moment of the day thinking about the next moment then how are u sposed 2 really live?

another thing i was thinking about was how we all say we love each other but only because of certain things that we have or do. i asked my dad yesterday what he thought unconditional love was & he said it was loving someone for who they are, not for who you want them to be or how you want them to change. and wow im really guilty right there b/c i judge people SO much by how they treat me.. and its not gonna change because its just the way they are. sometimes u just have 2 accept certain ppl and certain sitiuations and just try as hard as u can to see the good in them. im not saying its easy at all, its probly one of the hardest things in the world for me to do, because the second i lock eyes with certain people, my guard automatically goes up and i just try and distance myself from them the best i can, because they've hurt me or ive had bad past experiences with them. but i think that with a certain amount of faith and love u can break down the wall and eventually *yeah it takes time* you'll see them as you did before.

thats about all i got 4 right now.. gotta go get ready 2 go 2 michelles!

peace & love kids * cathie

yeah so i had what ive done for the past week all written out and stuff but i just decided 2 erase it and put this cuz its pretty much my life _

theres a boat, i could sail away

theres the sky, i could catch a plane

theres a train, theres the tracks

i could leave and i could choose to not come back

there you are, giving up the fight

here i am, begging you to try

talk to me, let me in

but you just put your wall back up again

whens it gonna end?

how far do i have to go to make you understand

i wanna make this work so much it hurts

but i just cant keep on giving, go on living

with the way things are

so im gonna walk away

and its up to you to say how far

theres a chance i could change my mind

but i wont, not till you decide

what you want, what you need

do you even care if i stay or leave?

whats it gonna be?

how far do i have to go to make you understand

i wanna make this work so much it hurts

but i just cant keep on giving, go on living with the way things are

so im gonna walk away

and its up to you to say how far

out of this chair, just accross the room

halfway down the block, or halfway to the moon

how far do i have to go to make you understand

i wanna make this work so much it hurts

but i just cant keep on giving, go on living with the way things are

so im gonna walk away

and its up to you to say how far

well yeah im sitting here @ mistys house while her and rob play hardcore pool downstairs lol.. and i was just lookin around @ everyones xangas and stuff and i read jhenns and rachaels.. and i had no idea that they were both thinking about the exact same thing that im dealing with...

everyones talking about changing for other people and figuring out who ur true friends are.. and its probly cuz this is summer and u dont really keep in touch with half of the people you care about and wanna see and all that good stuff.. but seriously if someone has the guts 2 walk away from you and make you feel like you need 2 change, they arent worth it and theyre not a true friend

im not trying 2 sound all dramatic and emotional b/c thats the last thing i wanna be right now cuz its summer and im having fun and stuff.. but theres definetley some people i can name that havent exactly been there like a true friend should. i was on the phone w/ one of my guy friends the other night and he told me how dramatic my life was and that i needed 2 let go of a lotta things that were holding me back from being the person that i am and its soo true. so if ne one reading this has been severly annoyed (ha) by all of my complaining and drama.. im REALLY sorry. it took me a while 2 realize i was this way but im trying 2 make it better.

sooo peace out kids!